Topless Carwash Owner Doesn’t Understand Federalism

Derrick Belcher has a mad. He’s been nursing a grudge against the government since 2001 when he believes the federal government shut down his topless carwash due to obscenity laws. The laws were designed to shut down strip clubs, and other business owners who had sex-oriented businesses were assured that they would be fine. Turns out they weren’t, and the government shut him down.

Belcher is now part of the inordinately silly very serious and patriotic secessionist movement in Alabama. He wants to get away from that evil federal government that took away his business because he’s a libertarian and people should be free! Ya, liberty! Freedom! Stuff (but not government stuff)!

You’re waiting for the punchline, aren’t you? I bet some of you already know.

Belcher was shut down due to an Alabama state law enacted in 1998.

That’s right. The evil federal government had nothing to do with his business. Instead, it was the state legislature, huffing Jesus and “think of the children” rubbish, that took away his precious business. The state legislature he wants to give even more power over himself.

Part of the irony is that Belcher considers himself a Libertarian. Now, this wouldn’t be strange if Libertarians didn’t want to consistently give states the rights to make these sorts of decisions, with the notable exception of Loretta Nall who held a sex toy drive to send to the state’s attorney general at the time.

Belcher wants to give more power to a state that upheld a $10,000 fine for selling dildos. And seems completely unaware of the fact that the majority of people around him want to further limit his freedom and only the federal government stands in their way.

Well, let’s be honest, not his freedom. Just women, brown people, and gay people. But occasionally, they might keep him from selling tickets to see wet, topless women, and then he might be regretting this whole “secession” thing.

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