The Tyranny of Ducks

In case you didn’t fear for the future enough, we get this letter to the editor from a 14 year old homeschooler. I think it is so sad that her parents have miseducated her to the point that this sounded like a good argument to both child and, presumably, the parent who would have looked it over (unless she sent it in without their knowledge).

Here’s a copy

Monogamous Ducks Editorial

Monogamous Ducks Will Rule Us All!

Here’s a transscription, though I recommend reading PZ’s annotated one.

Homosexuality, including same sex marriage, is not an enlightened idea. The Romans practiced homosexuality. Surely, after 2000 years, our level of intelligence should have evolved somewhat, so that we can truly pride ourselves of being cleverer than our forebears.

If homosexuality spreads, it can cause human evolution to come to a standstill . It could threaten the human position on the evolutionary ladder, and say, ducks, could take over the world. Ducks always nest in pairs and if we allow same-sex marriage, then the ducks will have evolved further than we have. We will be in danger of all being equal, with ducks more equal than us .

We should learn from history and not be stuck with copying ancient behavior. The government has no right to bring us back to the stone age. I don’t want my children to have to compete with ducks. Any self-respecting human would aim for that, too.

None of this really bears any weight for me, because I do not believe in evolution. However, the powers that be believe in evolution, and have made many decisions based on it. They should be consistent: if you believe in evolution, then you can’t be in favour of homosexuality, or the ducks will get you in the end.

Jasmin H, aged 14
Homeschooled, Scargill

Reading this absolutely breaks my heart because I know that there are people out there, lots of them, teaching their children this sort of idiocy. Again, I recommend PZ’s post on this for exactly why this doesn’t make sense.

However, for an even more compelling reason, Eddie Izzard years ago explained that the rise of our Duck Overlords (who I, for one, welcome) is due to god not thinking that a global flood wouldn’t kill the evil ducks who, as we know, can swim. Relevant part starts around 5:00, but it’s all hilarious.

Enough with these base canards. I would like to take this opportunity to point out that most states have little or no regulation of homeschooling at all. And there are groups pushing for even less.

So as what will likely be considered a slam dunk argument among the creationist set spreads through homeschools, we’ll have more children who sincerely believe that evolution means the ducks win!

Darkwing Duck

The Terror That Flaps in the Night (image credit: Tad Stones)


One thought on “The Tyranny of Ducks

  1. Pingback: Duck Letter to the Editor « Year 11 English – Mentone Grammar

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