Anna Paquin Doesn’t Answer to You

Anna Paquin is married, which, thanks to watching Almost Famous over and over again for several months, breaks my heart. Anna Paquin has also lately been asked quite frequently about how she can be married to a man and still be bisexual.

Twilight Sparkle head desking

It’s a lot like that.

The thing is, kids, your sexuality is not a function of who you’re with. Paquin handles this with aplomb.

“Some people find it odd that you can identify with a sexual orientation that is not straight and yet be married to someone of the opposite sex. They’re like, ‘Obviously it’s not real if you’re married to a dude’. That’s not my problem. I’m like, ‘Okay, if that’s how you feel, there’s nothing I can do about it’. I’m just living my life,” Paquin said.

The problem with this is that it feeds into the stereotypes that surround bisexuals. In both the gay and straight community, it’s often assumed that we’re really faking it. We’re afraid of coming out as gay or are trying to attract opposite-sex partners by implying we’d be up for threesomes. It comes from the idea that sexuality is a “behavior”, not an orientation. And then, of course if a bisexual person has more than one partner, they’re “greedy” and cannot be trusted in a relationship. We can’t win.

Listen, being in a same sex or opposite sex relationship doesn’t determine your sexuality. Who you’re attracted to does. Anthony Rapp dedicated his biography to the man he loves… and is still bi, not gay. Billie Joe Armstrong has moved from the “bisexual” to a wishy washy “I don’t do labels” kind of thing, but still identifies as queer despite almost 20 years of monogamous marriage with two children.

Good on Paquin for giving a polite “fuck off” about this.

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