Fun With Mischaractizations

This is a short post because I’m working on a magnum opus right now, but let’s talk about mischaracterization. This is related to the “strawman” argument, a logical fallacy in which a person laments not having a brain. Or their listener laments them not having a brain. It’s something like that.

Anyway, the strawman I really want to talk about is Sen. James Mountain Inhofe (yes, that’s really his middle name). Recently, in a radio interview, the good senator and accomplished pilot made the following statements about the president, quotes pulled from the Birther website WorldNetDaily:

“He is an extreme liberal,” said Inhofe. “And let’s face it. And this is going to sound maybe a little hysterical but someone who really is an extreme liberal doesn’t think we need a military anyway.”

“They think if all countries will stand in a circle and hold hands and unilaterally disarm the threats will go away. That’s what we’ve got for a president,” said Inhofe.

See? Aren’t mischaracterizations fun? My turn! My turn!

“He is an extreme conservative. And let’s face it. And this is going to sound maybe a little hysterical but someone who really is an extreme conservative won’t be satisfied until every country in the world bows before the awesome might of ‘Merica, under the authority of Flying Ace Mountain Inhofe!”

“They think if all countries would simply accept that Americans are better than them at everything the threats will dissolve in the cowardly fear of our demoralized enemies. That’s what we’ve got for a senator.”

Did you notice how I both pretended that conservatives are all war blind, bloodthirsty megalomaniacs, and that James Inhofe has authority? Nothing I said was true, except the part about him being an extreme conservative, but isn’t it great to claim it so that your base can get fired up about fantasies?

Similarly, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) recently said that 95% of everything Planned Parenthood does is abortion. The guy agreeing with him in the video is the Liar Tony Perkins. His office later said he “misspoke,” which I understand because I often confuse the numbers 95 and 3. They sound so alike, and they have similar mouth feel, it’s understandable. You should have seen the look on my partner’s face that time I tried to ask for a threesome…

Apparently Hatch didn’t learn what happens when a senator claims something is true that is wildly untrue. Do we need to remind him of what happened to John Kyl?

So, let me make a few statements.

“Well, about 95% of what Orrin Hatch does, from what I understand, is pray for a bowel movement.”

“Well, about 95% of what Orrin Hatch does, from what I understand, requires lube and gardening equipment.”

“Well, about 95% of what Orrin Hatch does, from what I understand, is directly related to being a creature made of pure plasma trapped in a robotic chassis.”

Sorry, I misspoke.

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